Local Chinese Food Fans Furious Over “F’d Up” Fortune Cookies

It's clear that we're living in the worst possible timeline. Everything is terrible, and now we can add fortune cookies to the list of things that have been ruined forever.

Chinese food is one of those comforts in life that you can depend on. No matter what else is going on, I can always rely on my favorite Chinese restaurant to deliver the same great dining experience. I've been ordering from Jade Palace on Route 9 in Wappingers Falls for almost two decades. Their food is consistently delicious and, in my opinion, is head and shoulders above any other Chinese food restaurant in the Hudson Valley. However, a recent change to their fortune cookies has left me and other diners very disappointed

After enjoying a recent meal from Jade Palace, my family cracked open our fortune cookies. Mine said, "You will soon be on your way to a better financial future." I was very excited about this promise of money since most of the time I get something much less specific like "you're a special person."

As I began to think about where this newfound money would be coming from, my son opened his fortune. He read it aloud saying, "Generating wealth begins with small changes." Then my wife read, "You deserve to earn more than you are currently receiving."

What are the chances that all three of our cookies held very specific fortunes about making more money? I don't think I've ever seen such straightforward predictions from a fortune cookie. Suspicious, I investigated my fortune more closely. When I turned it around I was immediately horrified. The fortune wasn't actually a fortune at all. It was a stupid advertisement.

Apparently, Jade Palace is now selling advertising space INSIDE its fortune cookies. The ad was from a credit card company, which explains why all of our "fortunes" were about becoming more financially secure. I felt betrayed, much like when Ralphie in A Christmas Story realizes that the "secret message" from Little Orphan Annie was actually a crappy Ovaltine commercial.

The only saving grace was that when I read the ad in traditional fortune cookie fashion it still made me chuckle -- "This debit card builds credit... in bed."

Some traditions aren't meant to be commercialized and the fortune cookie is one of them. Other Chinese food lovers that I spoke to about the switch were equally horrified, calling it an "abomination" and "totally f'd up." One person even told me that it's the "end of civilization as we know it."

They may be exaggerating a bit, but honestly -- what the hell? QR codes don't belong in fortune cookies. I know times are tough, but are these cheap desserts so expensive that restaurants now have to resort to selling ad space inside them? I'd happily pay an extra 25 cents for a real fortune, which is probably way more than one of those cookies actually cost.

Sadly, I don't see this trend disappearing. In fact, I did some research and the company behind these monitized fortune cookies claims to have their ad-filled treats in over 50% of the Chinese food restarants in America, gaining more and more customers every day. This is truly un-fortunate.