Dear neighbor who walks his dog by my house. I don’t know who you are, but I know a lot about you. I know you are thoughtless and inconsiderate, lazy and you have a dog that’s big enough to leave an ample pile of poop.

How do I know this? Because once again, I had to clean up after your dog. I don’t blame the dog. I blame you. When did you become so entitled that you felt it was above you to clean up after your dog? It’s the law. And I know that you know it’s the law because you actually left a pile of poop right below the sign that says it’s illegal to not clean up after your dog. The sign says you’ll be fined. But that didn’t stop you. In fact, I think you were probably chuckling as you were reading the sign while your dog was doing his thing.

I’m going to find you, and that’s a promise. And when I do I will have a bag in one hand and a phone in the other. You will either clean up the poop, or I will call the dog warden. And if you don’t, I will follow you home and I will later return the bag of poop to your yard. Where it belongs. Because in my opinion, you’re no better than that pile that your dog just deposited on my grass.

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